Eduard deVere Bullington studied the printed flyer which had just been handed to him by Mycroft, his salesperson. "Awful!" he exclaimed. "Just so...tacky." He walked over to the massive front window of his store and looked out and across the street. "Yes, flyer printing like this is something I might expect from a dreadful place like 'Bob and Linda's Furniture Discounter'. All they emphasize is their 'good deals' and their 'fifty percents off' and their 'lowest prices in town'. It's so incredibly vulgar. You'll never see me distributing something as utterly banal as that." He handed the flyer to Mycroft, pinching it on the corner as though her were holding a dead rat by the tail.
"No, Mr. Bullington," said Mycroft. "This is a classy place you're opening. The finest antiques and high-end furniture in the state."
"When do they open, Mycroft?"
"Today, Mr. Bullington," said Mycroft. "Same as us. By the way, what is our marketing plan? I certainly would like to have some customers in here real soon, since I'm on commission."
Bullington smiled. "Follow me." He led Mycroft out to the front of his new store, reached for a rope, and pulled the long covering off his sign.
The sign read simply, BULLINGTON'S.
Mycroft stared at it. "That's your marketing plan?"
"My name, Mycroft, is my marketing plan. Do you know what that name means? The Bullingtons are a pillar of the community. My great-grandfather was a well-known businessman and my grandfather was the county judge for many years. This sign says 'prestige' and 'respectability.'"
Mycroft nodded as he balled up the flyer and stuffed it in his pocket. "We don't need no stinkin' flyer printing!."
"Don't be vulgar, Mycroft," said his boss. "Well, we're officially open for business. We'll see who's left standing at the end of the day - the tacky, flyer-printing Bob and Linda or the symbol of good taste and respectability, Bullington's."
The first customer came through the door twenty minutes later. Mycroft greeted him. "May I help you, sir?"
"I'd like to speak to the owner."
"I'll handle this one, Mycroft. Just watch...and learn." He offered his hand. "I'm Eduard Bullington."
"Fantastic," said the man. "I'm Bill Tandy, from the Volunteer Firefighters' Association. We always ask for a donation from new businesses to support the local firehouse." He looked around. "Look at all this old wood. What a fire hazard! If this ever goes up, you'll want us, no doubt about it. Now I'm sure a Bullington can afford to stroke a mighty generous check." He stood and waited.
Bullington forced a smile as he went into his office. When he returned, he handed it to Tandy. "I'm sure you'll be getting a visit from the Police Officers' Benevolent Society later today as well," said the firefighter.
Mycroft showed him out the door and looked across the street. "Wow. Look at all the cars at Bob and Linda's."
"Fear not, Mycroft. The most discerning of them will spend a little time there and will realize that what they need cannot be found there. Ah, you see. There's a charming couple coming in here right now."
A moment later the well-dressed couple entered the showroom. "How may I be of service?" asked Mycroft.
"Are you the owner?"
"Uh, no. That would be Mr. Bullington."
"Eduard Bullington. How may I help you?"
"Hi there. I'm Bob and this is my wife Linda. We own the store across the street. Listen, I was wondering whether you would allow us to borrow some of your parking spaces for any overflow customers. We're expecting a big opening day today -"
"We put out over ten thousand printed flyers," exclaimed Linda with evident pride.
"We'll be happy to pay you," added Bob, pulling his checkbook out of his pocket. "How about ten dollars per space per day? It would be well worth it to me. I certainly don't want to send any customers away because they can't find a place to park. Now when do you plan to open?"
"Very soon," said Bullington with pursed lips as he accepted the check which covered thirty spaces - just enough to offset the payment to the firefighters.
An hour later all of the rented spaces were filled, and customers were parking illegally on the side of the road just to get into Bob and Linda's. Bullington and Mycroft stood for long periods of time, staring at their otherwise empty parking lot. Just before noon, a crowd of people left Bob and Linda's and crossed the street en masse.
"Finally," said Bullington. "People are starting to hear about the high-end alternative. It always takes time, Mycroft."
Two minutes later a crowd of women stood in the showroom. "We're terribly sorry, sir," said one. "But apparently they're having plumbing problems at Bob and Linda's. May we use your restroom? Bob said you were so nice and he told me to tell you he'll send over another check at the end of the day for all your help."
By the end of the day there had been no sales; there was one expression of interest in having some restoration work done. Bullington and Mycroft sat silently, watching pick-up truck after pick-up truck carry goods away from Bob and Linda's.
Towards the end of the day, an old, beaten-down, bearded man came in the door. He shuffled into the showroom.
"Would you like to see the owner?" asked Mycroft.
"What's wrong with you? Can't you sell?"
Mycroft perked up. "Why, I'd be delighted."
The man tapped a French Empire sofa with his hand, and studied it. At that moment a woman walked in. She was dressed almost as shabbily as her husband.
"What do you think, Elmira?" he asked. "You think this will fit in the double-wide?"
Bullington interjected himself into the sale. "Sir, I'm not sure you saw the price tag. This piece costs fifteen thousand dollars."
The old man looked at the price tag. "So it does."
"In fact, I don't think there's a sofa in here that costs less than five thousand, if that's what you're looking for."
"Well, me and Elmira, we was actually looking for two sofas and a dining room table and some cabinets and a few other things."
"I hate to send customers away, but you may want to try Bob and Linda's," said Bullington. "They may be more in your price range."
The old man looked at him. "Bullington. Yeah, I remember your grandfather, the judge. I got hauled into court once and I didn't even have time to tell my side of the story. He just looked at me and said, 'Well, from the looks of you, you're probably guilty'. I got thirty days."
"How unfortunate."
"And you're probably looking at me and going, that man is way too poor to afford my fine furniture. But what you don't know, Mr. Bullington, is that I won the multi-state lottery last night. I can buy everything in your store two hundred times over. At full price. And not even make a dent."
Bullington stood stone still as his mistake sank in.
"But you know what, Mr. Bullington. I don't pay full price for anything. I'm going to go and check out Bob and Linda's. See, I got this flyer they sent out, and I just love to get something at a discount. Come on, Elmira. Let's go."
Mycroft followed them out the door.
"Where are you going, Mycroft?"
"To Bob and Linda's. I'm applying for a job. I need to make some money."
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