AGONY AND ECSTASY
Some unexpected problems arose during Lisa's pregnancy and she started to worry about her health and her baby's health. She began to analyze the problems, which occurred during this time. Lisa entered the office of her gynecologist, after making an appointment with the purpose of examining her pregnancy.
"Many of the pregnancy problems are quite normal and there is no cause for concern, " said Mara, the doctor.
"Tell me, doctor, what are the most dangerous complications that I can develop during my pregnancy?" Lisa wanted to know everything about her problems.
"Do you want some tea?" Mara tried to talk calmly.
"That will be nice. "
"I want to know if you consume alcohol, if you smoke, or if you use drugs. "
"Why do you ask me?"
"All these things can cause serious problems to your unborn child. They can provoke the low birth weight and premature birth. Especially, the caffeine intake from your daily coffee can harm your baby, " said Mara.
"I don't drink alcohol, I don't smoke, and I have never used drugs. I didn't know that all these are so dangerous, " said Lisa. "Doctor, I want to tell you that I have a vaginal bleeding. "
"This can be a symptom of miscarriage. I must examine you, " said Mara.
"What does it mean, more precisely?"
"A miscarriage is the loss of the pregnancy and happens sometime during the first twenty three weeks. More exactly, the miscarriage is a spontaneous abortion. The cause is a genetic abnormality of the fetus or it can be an abnormal hormonal imbalance, which interferes with the ability of the uterus to support the growing embryo, " said Mara.
The nurse asked Lisa to enter the bathroom to provide some urine and to leave it there, in a special recipient. After that, the nurse invited Lisa to enter the exam room. The nurse told Lisa to take off her clothing below the waist and to use a sterile towel to cover herself. There was only one table in the room for the gynecological exams. So, Lisa sat up on that. It took nearly ten minutes for the doctor to enter. So, time passed incredibly slowly. The office was freezing as usual. Certainly, it wasn't very pleasant for her to be naked from the waist down. Mara entered and turned away, facing the equipment table, while she put on her pair of gloves. She was in her early forties and she wore glasses. After she put on her gloves, she turned around and glanced down at Lisa's pelvic area. Mara said, "Okay now I'm going to turn the spotlight on you. "
"Does it hurt? Is it uncomfortable?" Lisa was confused, scared and she was feeling very helpless.
"No, it doesn't hurt, " said Mara.
Mara examined Lisa. Mara did an abdominal examination combined with an internal pelvic examination. Mara was surprised to find that Lisa's cervix was opened. Mara checked for abnormalities in the cervix, by performing her manual examination.
"Well, you have an incompetent cervix, but the rest looks normal, " said Mara. "You may get dressed now. "
Mara walked to the other side of the room and she mentioned that if the tests came up with anything, they would notify her.
"It is thought that the most miscarriages are the result of some random variations in the chromosomes of the baby. In this case, you cannot keep your pregnancy, "continued Mara.
Lisa began to cry. It was written all over her face how much she wanted this child.
"Why, doctor, why me?"Lisa asked Mara. Her eyes failed, looking in vain for help.
"Hey, I understand your feelings, but don't lose your hope. Supposing that you lose this pregnancy, you can have a successful pregnancy in the future, "said Mara.
"He will leave me, "continued Lisa. She held her head down and looked ashamed. She couldn't accept Mara's conclusions.
"Don't say that. Do you have any lower abdominal pains?"After a few quiet moments, Mara felt a bit awkward and wondered if she had made a mistake.
"Yes, from time to time, I have pains, "answered Lisa.
"It is very important to determine the nature of the bleeding. It can be a sign of miscarriage, or the pregnancy may continue. Later, I will use an ultrasound scan through the abdomen and through the vagina for giving some precise information about whether your pregnancy can be continued or not, " continued Mara. She gave the precise reasons why she wanted to continue her ongoing medical investigation of Laura's pregnancy.
"What should I do if my pregnancy continues?" Lisa asked her. All this time, her eyes have showed that hope is hope and fate is destiny.
"I will control your pain by giving you simple painkillers. As long as the bleeding continues, it is advisable not to go to work. If your pregnancy is destined to miscarry, unfortunately, there is nothing I can do. You must not have sex until the miscarriage can be avoided, " said Mara.
Lisa began to feel anger, sadness and a very strong sense of guilt.
Lisa left Mara's cabinet and went to visit Laura. She needed to talk with someone. She stopped outside her friend's house to stand on the lawn and to look at the front door. After a moment, she slowly walked up the steps, she crossed the wooden porch and she entered the house. Entering the darkly lit house, Laura met her. They passed along down a hallway and entered into her friend's living room. Samantha and Marie were there, sitting on the sofa. Suddenly, Lisa felt very lonely and depressed and she wanted to escape the reality.
"How do you feel, Lisa?" Samantha seemed very worried about Laura's health.
"I'm not very well. I may lose my baby, " said Lisa. She looked like someone who learned to accept the reality of the situation.
"Oh, dear, I feel so sorry for you, " said Samantha, coming closer to her and holding her.
Lisa began to cry.
"I can imagine what you must be going through. I just want to wish you all the best for the future. Don't lose your hope, " said Marie. From her earliest days, Mary had a special knowledge of the Divine Mercy.
"I surely understand what you are going through. I lost a daughter when she was just a few days old. I was so scared to have another baby because I did not want to go through the loss of another child. I fell pregnant again six months later and it was the best thing for me. I was so worried during my pregnancy that something would go wrong, but having another baby partially healed my pain. You will never get through something like this, I'm sure, but you must learn how to take care of your pregnancy, " said Samantha.
"I'm so sorry for your loss, "said Lisa. She was sad and surprised to listen Samantha talking about her deepest secret. "The doctor told me that I might have a miscarriage. Say something, Laura, " said Lisa.
"I wish I knew what to say to you, but I really don't know where to start, " said Laura, visibly surprised.
"Nothing I can say will ease your pain, but I just want you to know that I already began to pray for you to find the strength to get through all these problems. You and your precious baby are in my prayers, " said Marie.
"When we had decided to have a child, my husband and I had been trying until I was pregnant. Everything was going great, I had my routine ultrasound at nineteen weeks and it was good. I went to all my check ups and everything was normal. I was happy with the progress of my pregnancy. One day, I woke up with some growing pains like contractions. I rang the hospital. My husband got me straight there, because I was in labor. I had to give birth to my baby. My water broke and by seven pm I gave birth to my baby. Lisa, try not to listen to people that tell you that you should immediately try, if you lose this child. I do believe that you will know when the time is right, '' said Laura.
"I'm completely shocked! I don't know what to say. It doesn't feel real. My heart is broken and shattered, " said Lisa.
"You're tired. You must go home and take a little rest. Don't lose your hope, "said Marie.
Lisa got off the car and ran toward her front door, fumbling through her purse for her keys. She entered the house and found no evidence of Michael's presence. Lisa heard a woman's voice, coming from the bedroom. She thought that he had come home from the theater and he had fallen asleep with the television on. Lisa went upstairs to turn off the television. The source of the voice was pushed by a force beyond her power of control. She made her way up to the top of the staircase. Lisa recognized Michael's voice as he was talking with a woman. When she realized that he was in the bedroom with another woman, she was extremely shocked. She understood that the temporary absence of the sexual intimacy in her relationship with Michael, due to her problems with the pregnancy, determined him to choose to be with another woman, but she had not thought that he might chose to be with her in their bedroom. This awareness was profoundly humiliating for her. She realized that she was foolish when she was an honest person.
The door was opened and Lisa could peer into their bedroom. She discovered Michael, being in bed with that woman. She tried to watch their interactions. They were both completely naked and it was painfully obvious that they were enjoying each other tremendously. She saw Michael sharing his love with that woman. Lisa saw that the usual pain and tension disappeared from his face, leaving a contented smile on his sensual lips. From every gesture and expression, she could see that he was still a self-contained man, with his dash of pride in his nature, tending more likely to hide his wounds than to expose them. He seemed to be completely satisfied. She became deadly pale and her attention was focused on Michael's fast breathing, while he made love so passionately with that woman. She wanted to enter the bedroom and confront him, but she turned furtively away towards the stairs and she fled from the house out, closing the front door with a sharp creaking. Suddenly, she understood her reaction in front of Jeff. She wanted to go beyond the limits of his authority and to usurp the functions of her man.
Lisa entered the house. She found Jeff's body, lying on the floor with a large bloody torso wound. She was wearing a beige outer clothing and she was very careful with what she touched. . She also saw a huge bloody head wound that looked like a bloody bullet hole. She understood that he was shot in his head. His blood spurted everywhere around, on his face, on his body and pieces of his brain were spurted on the floor. A bloody hand print was shown on the wall near the phone, which was opened and abandoned. He had a decaying face and the flies were buzzing around him. Lisa screamed and yelled, when she realized that Jeff was dead. After that, she called the police to report what happened.
She cried out a silent curse. She took the small dog, having only a few months old. The dog was there near him, seemingly trying to understand what happened. Suddenly, she felt so shocked that she couldn't move.
She pushed her body to its limit, trying to get away from there. Lisa looked around the hall and she saw the stairs. She ran up the stairs to their bedroom and pushed the door to open. She opened the door with a creaking sound and she looked around. The windows didn't give any light. When her eyes got used to the darkness, she found a wooden box on the table. She opened the box and she found Jeff's last journal. She understood that Jeff committed his suicide by shooting himself. In that moment, she thought that the suicide was the ultimate sin of all because the victim could not repent for it. She realized that he was lost forever. She looked right at his picture, on the wall. Her eyes locked in a pause, for a moment. Her eyes were frightened and she was really terrified.
She buried her nose into her sleeve and she tried to force her body to calm her heart pain. She heard the voices of the policemen and she felt tears trickle down her face, but she couldn't make any sound, even if she wanted to scream. She closed her eyes and she fell down the floor. She felt that her spine was chilling. That strange silence around her was thundering like the worst drum ever imagined. She lost her consciousness.
The police team entered the house and found Jeff dead because of an apparent suicide by gunshot. Two weapons were found on and near Jeff's body, a shotgun and a handgun.
Lisa opened her eyes. She looked around and she discovered the hospital room. Her heart stopped when she looked into Michael's amber eyes. His face was more opaque and it made her to stop breathing for a few moments.
"Breathe, girl," said Michael.
She gulped and took a deep breath.
"I saw you in our bedroom, making love with another woman. I know that Jeff is dead. "
"Forgive me, Lisa, but you had problems and I couldn't resist. You lost your baby, but don't worry, you will have another one, " said Michael, kissing her.
"I am not going to hurt your mistress. All I want to know is if you want to stay with me from now on. "
"Of course, my dear, you will be pregnant again. "
He felt a poke in his chest. He looked down and he saw Lisa, pulling back her finger. She touched him.
"I love you, " said Lisa. "I cannot afford to lose you. I fell in love with you from the moment I laid my eyes on you. Will you make love to me, Michael?" It was a kiss of forgiveness she had wanted and she had put her heart into her eyes and begged him to love her.
"Yes. "
"If you don't make love to me, nothing will happen. Don't give me your body because you feel that I am pushing you to do it. You are free to walk out of here, if that is what you want, " said Lisa.
He looked up into her face saying, "I will never leave you. "
Tears welled up inside her eyes. She felt his warm palm on her cheek.
"Something bad happened to Jeff. He was a real fighter, " said Michael.
"Yes, he was a real fighter, but he never knew to accept that he may lose. He committed his suicide because he had a big financial problem. "
Michael looked very strangely to her.
"He called his daughter to tell her that he is going to commit the suicide because you didn't return his phone calls and the messages he had sent to you, " said Michael.
"He already had a daughter with his first wife, when he married me. But, Michael, he didn't call me and he didn't send me any message. I can prove this. "
"Maybe he had a financial problem. Sometimes, I'm wondering how my boy will react to our marriage, " said Michael.
"We can be together without being married. You don't have to give up your marriage with Nora. I didn't know that you have a boy. What's his name?"
"I was married before meeting Ella. I divorced Alice because of my love for Ella. My boy, Jack, was only two years old, " said Michael.
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