Cars blare their horns as I pass through traffic. I didn't even pause or turn my head. I am on a mission and time is of the essence here. I can't even spare a single second to stop and breathe.
My heart aches as if it were made of spikes that with every beat, every movement stabs my insides. I don't know if this is the effect of running for the past half hour or just that pain from the thought of losing her forever.
This is probably from the lack of oxygen or something else but my mind teleports to three months ago when I first met her.
The sky was at its darkest I have ever seen and it was raining as if heaven itself weeps out tears. I got my hood on and was hesitating to go into the rain. I was pretty sure I'd get soaked the first three seconds I get out into the rain. THAT was how hard it was pouring.
A girl then stood beside me, sniffing and wearing some shades that I think are too big for her small heart-shaped face. She just came out of the coffee shop and was clearly crying. I glanced back and saw the guy she was with gripping his head as if trying to squeeze something out. With that, I concluded that they probably just broke up. They were in a subdued argument minutes ago when I was sipping my coffee and I couldn't help but overhear. Actually, I think the whole coffee shop knows but I'm not the type who butts in other people's lives so I just stood there quietly beside her, watching the rain.
The guy stormed past us and went straight to his car. It looked expensive and shiny, like Edward Cullen's car. He backed out from parking and stopped in front of us.
"GET IN!" He shouted at her as his window slid down. What a total romantic.
The girl just ignored him and nervously shifted on her feet.
"AIKA, GET IN. NOW!" He shouted once again, with more juice in it. He sounded kind of like an army officer commanding a private.
I think this struck a nerve because she looked directly into his face and lifted her middle finger. Scratch that, BOTH middle fingers, like a double whammy.
"SUIT YOURSELF!" the guy shouted for a last time before accelerating away.
I sighed as I saw her tremble in tears. She looked broken. I've had my fair share of this experience and I think I know how she felt that time. I wanted to console her but what was I? I was just a stranger in a coffee shop with a cheap-looking hood. But I couldn't help it. She was about to rush into the rain!
"Wait, Miss! Don't go out there. It's a typhoon and you don't have any umbrella."
She looked at me suddenly as if it was the first time she noticed there was someone standing beside her. She still had her shades on so I wasn't exactly sure, but I saw it in her lips. It was in that slightly opened motion.
I know I don't have an umbrella either, so I looked around and met the security guard's eyes. "Sir, can you maybe lend her an umbrella?" I pleaded. Yes, it was in a pleading tone. I really wanted to help her.
"Sorry, buddy. Don't have one. BUT... We DO have a promo now.
"What promo?" we asked at the same time. I instinctively looked at her in time for her to look at me too. She had removed her shades and it was the first time I saw her eyes. They were bloodshot from crying but I could still see the beauty in it. I could see her deep sadness but I could also see her firmness. She's a strong-willed one and with that double whammy she just flashed moments ago, I was pretty sure.
"Order four different espressos and you get an umbrella." the guard's statement brought me back to earth.
"Can't we just buy it?" we asked at the same time, yet again. I couldn't help but chuckle. That was a double jinx but I quickly regained my composure.
"Nope. Sorry." the guard apologized.
We looked at each other once again and after a long minute, I shrugged and she got my message of "What the heck."
The guard opened the door for us and we went straight for the counter, ordering four espressos.
We sat in silence for what seemed like forever as we sipped our coffee. Then she broke the ice and apologized for inconveniencing me. She had a sweet voice, kind of like those voices you hear in telephone voice messages when someone puts you on hold and you get this recorded message saying that your call is important to them and thanks you for holding.
"It's alright. I just wanna help." I answered with a smile. The coffee was too strong for me, I guess. Or probably, I'm getting a caffeine overdose because I already had a cup minutes ago.
"I never bring an umbrella." She confessed.
"Why?"
"A true woman never brings an umbrella." I tilted my head in confusion and when she saw this, she continued. "Because a guy will always let them under theirs." she smiled but it quickly faded. "But there aren't many gentlemen these days. Nobody lets others sit in the train anymore. Nobody holds a door for you, unless it's their job and gets paid for it."
"I gave a pregnant lady my sit in the train yesterday." I blurted out.
"Well good for you. You're one of the diamond dozen."
After that, we didn't speak for a long time until we were down to our last espresso. I wanted to ask her about what happened to her but I thought it would be too much to tell a stranger, so I kept my silence.
As it turned out, I didn't need to ask. She told me her story anyways. Apparently, she thought the guy was a good one. He was rich and always showered her with material things. But then she found out that she was just one of his girls, the third one. She found out and confronted him.
I stayed silent the whole time. I was afraid that if I said something, she'd stop. I just listened.
"I'm sorry to lay this on you like this. I just don't know what's wrong with girls like me. We always fall for the bad boys instead of the romantics." She flashed me a genuine smile and I smiled back.
"Sir, here is your free umbrella." the waitress broke our connection as she handed me the red umbrella with their logo on it.
"Here you go. Now you can go home." I slid it across the table to her but then she started laughing. It was such a refreshing sound. "What?"
She pointed behind me and I looked. The rain had stopped and the skies were at its bluest. I looked back at her and joined in on the laughter.
*BLAM!* I slam into a guy and his luggage, rolling to the ground cursing. The guy curses even louder. "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?!"
That's when I notice I'm already at the airport. Losing just a few seconds, I stand up and start running again. "I'm sorry!" I shout back though I don't know if he can hear me over his curses and threats.
"HEY COME BACK HERE! YOU MOTHERF---" but I'm already a hundred feet from him and my mind no longer registers his words, focusing on my burning muscles.
I am in a messed up situation and currently burning all my energy for something so stupid, gambling my all. If I lose in this gamble, I won't have anything left. It kinda sounds too extreme to comprehend. What could have possibly happened for me to end up this way? I KNOW it doesn't really mean that I'm losing my ALL. But at least I feel that way. She was my world and now I'm running towards a confirmation if I would lose my world forever or gain it back.
Like a haze clouding my senses, memories come once again, enveloping me into a bubble of emotional time travel.
Her eyebrow slowly rose from its perch as her wicked smile flashed at me. "You're staring at me. Do I have a huge bug on my face, or something?" her face turned into a picture of worry. She hates bugs.
"I'm staring because..." I left the rest of my words hanging in the air.
"What?" her worried face went up a notch.
"I'm staring because I love you, Aika."
I shouldn't have told her these words while she was drinking hot coffee. She coughed and spilt some of it on her face and shirt.
I laughed heartily while I wiped her face with a tissue. She didn't give me any reply for the words I said but I didn't mind it. I only wanted to let her know how I feel. But still, she made me happy. She didn't run away or rejected me. She stayed and didn't show any kind of awkwardness. That was good enough for me.
But it was weird that the next day, she gave me a box of cereals. It was already open. I looked at her, confused.
She just shrugged and told me, "I think there's something free inside."
Rough hands grab my shoulder, snapping me out of my memory trance. "OW!" I shout stopping right on the spot, as if I just hit a concrete wall. I feel like I just dislocated my shoulder.
"You cannot go through here without showing me your boarding pass." The airport guard's eyes drill holes in me while he flexes his huge anaconda arms. I think this guy has had too much protein shakes.
"Sir, I just need to talk to someone. Then I'll come right back."
"I don't think so." He shifts his stance to look more like a club bouncer.
I concentrate, trying my best to do an impersonation of Puss in Boots' cute, big innocent eyes and tell him in my most pleading voice. "Sir, please let me through. I might lose the girl I love if I don't get to her on time."
His face softens. In my head, I cross all my fingers, wishing to have a bit of luck for a change. Even just this one time, give me a better fate.
Glancing at the guard's nameplate before continuing, "Mr. Emilio, please. Have you ever fell in love before?"
"Yes... Yes I have." He says tearfully before fishing out a photo from his pocket. "She was the love of my life, my little princess, my dainty damsel and my cute little buttercup." A single tear falls down from his left eye.
He flips the photo to show me a picture of him side by side with a huge woman, taller than him and even more muscled. Clearly, there was nothing little, cute or dainty about her. I bite my lip, trying to stop my jaw from dropping right down to the floor. "You looked happy." is the only thing I could tell him.
"I was. I was really happy before she decided to go away. She got a good job offer at a faraway place---" He sniffs and wipes his tears before continuing. "She was offered a job to test steroids at a big pharmaceutical company."
"That's... uhhh... terrible." It really is! I can't imagine how those huge muscles of hers would look like after steroids. If Mr. Emilio here is like Godzilla to my eyes, the woman would be Godzilla's big, ugly aunt. But he really looks genuinely sad and in love with her so I understand how he feels.
"I didn't even get to say goodbye." He says before staring at the huge wall clock above us. "What time is your girl's flight?"
And that's when it hit me... "It was fifteen minutes ago." My shoulders slowly drop, along with my soul.
"No. It's not over yet, kid. I won't let you have the same regrets as I have. You'll get your chance." He then drags me towards the gates, shouting at his radio all the while. We weaved through lines, trolleys, people and their bags.
All the while, my mind goes back into the frenzy of my memories, snatching myself from the present and plunging into the past.
"You've been like this all week. Is there anything wrong?" I asked her while we were sitting in my car just outside her house. We just had an unusually quiet dinner date and I was dying with worry.
"It's nothing." She softly replied.
"It's alright, Aika. You can tell me."
"I don't want to." She bit her lip, her mannerism for 'I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT.'
"Why not?" I wished I didn't push her to tell me.
She looked at me straight in the eyes and said, "Because I'll break your heart."
I didn't answer. Instead, I took a deep breath because that look on her face told me that even though she didn't want to, she's was about to do it anyway.
"I'm still in love with him and I feel bad doing this to you. But at the same time, I wanna move on so I'm going to my mum's... OVERSEAS" she looked surprised as if she didn't mean to say the words she just said. She clasped her mouth trying to stop herself.
Unfortunately, she said enough. "Oh." was the only thing that came out of my mouth. It was my 'tell', a sign that I just got my heart broken.
"I'm sorry. Thank you for everything."
"HEY KID! WE'RE HERE!" Mr. Emilio drags me into gate 15. It's completely empty and on the far side, an attendant in uniform is already closing the door of the passageway to the plane.
The attendant turns at the sound of Mr. Emilio's heavy footfalls and asks. "What's wrong, Emil?"
"OPEN THE GODDAMN PLANE AND LET THIS GUY IN FOR A MINUTE!" he shoves me toward the attendant and he looks at me in the most curious way for about a few seconds. But then he just shrugs his shoulders and leads me into the passageway.
Holy shit, here I go. What was I thinking, coming here? I don't even know what to tell her. I just dashed here when I realized that I don't want her out of my life.
It was the funniest thing, actually. I was just eating my bowl of cereal, looking like a miserable zombie. I've been trying to hide in my house for as long as I can, as if it's a nuclear bunker and I'm in a holocaust. So my cereal supply is running low. I tipped the box of the cereal but it won't give me anything more. It ran out. Feeling hungry and stupid, I peek inside the box hoping that I was wrong to assume it was empty. I noticed something taped to the side of the box and I remembered that this was the box of cereal she gave me. She said something about a free item in it but I didn't believe her. I tore the box in two and stared at the piece of paper taped to it.
"YOU MAKE ME HAPPY."
That was the note there with a cute little smiley beside it. And that's when I ran for it, dashing straight to the airport remembering this was her departure date and not even caring if I'm still in my pajamas or if I'm just gonna get my heart further broken.
We stop by the plane's airlock door and the attendant looks at me, producing a clipboard. "What part of the plane do you want to go to, sir?" he asks.
"Uhhh... What's Aika Cray's sit number?"
"Aika Cray? We've been announcing her name for the past 30 minutes now. She isn't here."
And now I run once more, going back the way I came. I passed by Emilio, the trolleys and bags, the people, the lines and even that angry guy whom luggage I messed up, all the while searching for her. But I can't find her. I step out of the airport toward the winter outside and the cold is slowly climbing up my pajamas.
I walk toward a huge concrete beam and lean on it, closing my eyes. Where is she?
"What are you doing here?"
My eyes flick open to the sound of her voice. But she isn't in front of me. The voice came from the other of the concrete beam I'm leaning on.
Thinking that the question was directed at me, I answer, "I came---"
I was immediately cut by a guy's voice. "I came because I want you back." I recognize that voice. I peek behind the beam and confirmed my suspicion. It was the guy in the car shouting at her. It was the guy she broke up with. It was the guy that she still loves.
"What about your other girls?"
"I'm a clean slate now, Aika. I changed. Isn't that what you wanted? I only want YOU and nobody else. I only love YOU. I just need you to trust me this time." He sounds sincere.
Aika and I fell silent. They are clearly unaware of my presence here and I just want to run away before I hear something that will break me into pieces.
"Alright."
It was a cold and long walk home. She's happy... and I guess that's good enough for me. Pretty anticlimactic, don't you think? But heck, that's life.
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