Married eight years, on one hand we knew something like this could happen, on the other, we never in the slightest, thought anything remotely like this, would ever happen to us!
The baby just turned five, wow, how time flies. I looked at him and thanked God again, just as I did every day, what would I do without him? We had been close like this since he was born, I didn't even have to work the long hours other dads did. We just played, laughed, ran and created, enjoyed the small things of life, together. We were real buds!
We had spent time that summer out on the golf course, he loved to play golf. I guess you would say I had taken some other things for granted, but not him! He was my right hand!
Looking back, I guess I'd have to admit, I didn't only take other things for granted, I took the fact that we spent everyday together, for granted, always thinking tomorrow would be the same until he grew up. I just didn't look into the future that far. I wouldn't be able to handle that, at that time in my life.
Living the good life, wife, family, kids, comfortable lifestyle, super car, you know, the whole, "Life is good," thing, sort of lulled me into forgetting that things could change! I wanted a few things to change, you know, who doesn't? But what took place next is beyond the imagination!
Couple buddies and I had hung out on Saturday, taking the boys to the course, strolling along having a few beers, you know, burning them off in the sun as we hiked through the heat! I didn't drink much, always kept it cool!
On this Saturday, however, my cool got blown away! We were done at the course, heading back to the house to throw a couple burgers on the grill, I was in the rider's seat, one of my buddies was at the wheel. I looked up when I felt the car jolt and everything became a blur.
The next thing I knew I was standing on the road, a bicycle laying at my feet, a boy not too much older than my baby, was lying there, the victim.
The rest is a blur pretty much, too sordid to relate! But I can tell you, when the judge said, "Guilty to the charges," I began a life that I would never choose for anyone to have to suffer through!
It wasn't just about me, it was about all of my family, the lives of my buddies, but mostly it was about the little boy's family! Did his Daddy miss him, like I missed my boy? I would one day be released to see my boy again, that Daddy would not!
What I had done in my ignorance, I would have to live with, for the rest of my life and search as deeply inside as I could, to find forgiveness for myself. I had been a party to robbing that man of his boy.
I was the cause for robbing my boy of the ten years we had missed playing, holding hands, holding him tight to my chest hammering love holds, on his back! I had missed all those years, sitting in a cell, an accomplice to manslaughter!
I had never considered the consequences that could come from my seemingly, small choices, as being real. I knew on one hand, but on the other, I had no idea!
I would be getting out soon, walking into a life my wife had continued without my presence for ten years. How would it go? Too many questions, I didn't have answers for, but questions I would face as, while putting my life back together,I tried to find ways to forgive myself!
My boy is now 15 and the years of holding him on my lap have been given away, I will still be able to wrap my arms around him and hammer love on his back, as I thank God that I have a second chance.
Today, the small choice I could have made, to live without being under any influence of any mind altering substance, seems so much greater than it did ten years ago. If only I could go back!
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